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Dating as We Age – Episode 203

Walker Thornton talk about Dating As We AgeThis episode is from the vault and was first released July 09, 2018

Let’s talk about senior dating–how to date and build intimate relationships as we age

Walker Thornton is 63 years old with a background in Educational Psychology. She has been a writer for years, writing poetry and journaling. Walker started dating post-divorce in her early 50's and started writing about it. She realized there wasn’t a whole lot of information for older women when it came to dating and relationships.

Walker works with individuals to talk about relationships. She has conversations with men and women to revamp their dating profile. She is sometimes called “The Sex Whisperer”.

Senior Dating—As we age this is the first thing you need to do if you are ready to get out there:

Make sure you are ready and you are not rushing to fill a void. Your desire to go out with someone should be based on mutual interest. Often people rush into the dating world in a despair which can lead to not wise choices. Think about what you are looking for. As we age, are you looking for marriage, a long-term relationship, romance, sex or someone to do things with?

Are online dating services a positive or negative way to find people especially for senior dating?

It can be a great or awful way. It depends upon your goal. Be prepared to put in work and effort to find a good match.

Advice for someone getting into the online dating world:We Age
  1. Be honest about yourself and share your real self.
  2. Show accurate photos and information so the other person can get a sense of who you really are.
  3. Talk on the phone prior to the first date.
  4. Make the first date short, leave yourself an out if it’s not going well.

Walker recommends open communication between sexual partners, especially around comfort levels and using protection. When it comes to flirting, you can simply make direct eye contact, smile and touch the other person’s hand to show interest. You don’t necessarily have to twirl your hair or bat your eyes. There are many ways to express a desire or interest subtly.

Words of wisdom for someone just getting back into dating:
  • Make a list of the traits you want your ideal partner to have. What are you looking for?
  • Get a good, recent picture of yourself you feel comfortable in made for your dating profile.
Walker’s Book:

Inviting Desire, A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Life

Connect with Walker:

Website: https://www.walkerthornton.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wit62/

Facebook: https://vtfww.facebook.com/WalkerJThornton/

This post about retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Longevity and Staying Young – Ep 202

Longevity and Staying YoungThis episode is from the vault and was first released April 23, 2018.

Let’s talk about longevity.

Judy Gaman is our guest for today’s episode. Judy is a graduate of the George Washington School of Medicine and Health Sciences and the School of Professional Studies. She is an age to perfection expert, longevity educator, author, and nationally syndicated radio show host of the Staying Young Show. Judy strives to educate and inspire people. She has four books and is currently working on two more.

What is the Staying Young Show?

Judy’s show is called “Staying Young” and it started when a radio station called her and said that they're closing. They asked her if she would like to take over the show. She happily accepted the offer. They grew in Dallas and got another offer in North Carolina and now broadcasting in 57 stations. The Staying Young show talks about anything that relates to health or longevity.

There are so many things that we do that impact our longevity.

On Today’s Show, we discuss:

  • All things longevity
  • 6 pillars of retirement
  • Advice for socialization
  • Nothing keeps you healthier than service
  • Getting past the age thing
  • Even in dark times, you can find a way to turn that around for the good
  • The healing effect of turning a negative into a positive
  • Importance of sleep

The Thing Judy Learned That Surprised Her About Getting Older:

The new science we have behind longevity that we didn’t have even when we started this show.Longevity

Judy underwent DNA testing at Executive Medicine of Texas. They do executive physical tests. Many people visit them to do tests and stay there for half a day. The patients will be given a map of the findings and information about the tests done.

Judy had a best friend who's 104 years old!

Judy also talks about a best friend she had who passed away when she was 104 years old. She learned a lot from her. Her friend was filled with incredible information and advice. They met when Judy was working on her book called, “Age to Perfection: How to Thrive to 100, Happy, Healthy, and Wise “. She needed resources and then realized why not just ask people who are over 100? Judy looked for people who were over 100 years old and she found her best friend. They spent a lot of time together and would have lunch every Friday. They had a blast!

Did you know?

Did you know that there are jobs that decrease your longevity? Doctors don't get enough sleep and you need at least 8 hours of sleep per day. Construction workers have a very physical job and are out in the sun all day. This can increase the chances of skin cancer. And, sports players have really low longevity because of sports-related injuries.

Connect With Judy: 

http://www.JudyGaman.com

[email protected]

Books

Age to Perfection: How to Thrive to 100, Happy, Healthy, and Wise

Stay Young – 10 Proven Steps to Ultimate Health

This post about retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Forced Retirement: Episode 201

Forced RetirementThis episode is from the vault and was first released April 16, 2018.

Let's talk about Forced Retirement

Marianne Oehser is our guest for today's podcast episode. She came on our show to discuss forced retirements and how to cope if it happens to you.

One example of Forced Retirement that Marianne gave us is “Rich” one of her clients. Here's his story:

Rich worked for the government and handled one of the largest and most important departments. All of a sudden, that department was eliminated. Now when this happened, it created a lot of challenges for him. Like many, he is facing a forced retirement. When Marianne and Rich started working together, it became really clear how depressed he was. He had trouble getting up in the morning and by mid-afternoon, he barely had the energy to read the paper.

When Marianne talked to him, it seemed like he had lost his sense of purpose in his life. “This happens when you're not ready to retire,” Marianne said.

A forced retirement can bring up a lot of emotions.

One of the first few emotions you might feel is anger then resentment. What Rich did after acknowledging what he was feeling is to forgive the person that made it happen.  Together he and Marianne worked on letting go of the resentment and pain until he was able to start focusing on the present.

They worked on building his “happiness”  portfolio. Rich needed to figure what he wanted the 8 important areas in his life to look like and be like. During this process, Rich awakened his desire to write. He took some creative writing classes and thought about doing his memoir. Then he uncovered a short story he wrote in the past.  He published it and now being reviewed as a script for a movie.

Rich now writes screenplays and books. This man no longer tries to figure out how to get out of bed every morning. He no longer has to think about what he wants to do at 3 in the afternoon. Rich now gets out of bed with gust, vigor, and enthusiasm and has lots of things going on. He was able to tap back into his sense of purpose.

8 Areas of Happiness

  • Self-development – Continuing to grow and understand that you can be excited about wherever you are in this in your life and embracing what is now and continuing Marianne Oehser talk about Forced Retirementto be a better person as a result of the things that you choose.
  • Health and Well-being – If you don't have your health, nothing else matters.
  • Primary Relationship – Relationships are central to who we are as human beings. Having a strong primary relationship is important. Examples, marriage relationship, long-term life partner relationship, strong friend relationship, family relationship.
  • Social Networks – As we move further along in our lives, our social connections become more and more important. When you move out of retirement, it may change. Not the same people we used to work with. It's all about building relationships. Building new relationships.
  • Spirituality and Religion – As we progress in our life, we become aware of the fact that at some point, our physical body isn't going to work anymore.
  • Leisure – About being balanced.
  • Community – What are you doing for the people around you? How are you giving back?
  • Vocation or Profession – More of us are either having to work or choosing to work
How does all of this fit into the balance? How do these 8 work together?

Marianne says that we need to have balance so at the end of the day you can say that this is the life that you will be living.

You may reach Marianne Oehser through her website Retire and be Happy or via email: [email protected]

She is a retirement consultant, a Certified Retirement Coach, and founder of Retire & Be Happy. She is a seasoned expert committed to helping people create a happy, fulfilling “post-career” phase of their lives through her workshops, seminars, public speaking, and individual coaching. Marianne also works with singles and couples to successfully build and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships–after all, having a solid relationship is central to creating a happy, fulfilling life.

Marianne has retired twice after spending over 40 years in the corporate world. She is a certified retirement and relationship coach. Marianne also holds a Master of Management from the Northwestern University Kellogg School of Management in Chicago. She received her training and certifications from Relationship Coaching Institute and Retirement Options.

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Creating An Adventure in Retirement: Ep 200

Creating An Adventure in RetirementThis episode is from the vault and was first released March 26, 2018.

Have you thought about creating your own Adventure in Retirement?

This podcast episode falls under the 2nd pillar, Significant Other (Be adventurous with your spouse), in the Six Pillars of Retirement. Jim Palmer is a marketing and business building expert and in-demand coach. He is the founder of the Dream Biz Academy and Dream Business Coaching and Mastermind Program. Jim is the host of Newsletter Guru TV, the hit weekly Web TV show watched by thousands of entrepreneurs and small business owners and he is also the host Stick Like Glue Radio, a weekly podcast based on Jim’s unique brand of smart marketing and business building strategies.

Jim started thinking about and living his retirement lifestyle before retirement age. Instead of waiting for his retirement, he is living out a dream now while he continues to work. He and his wife sold their house and put the contents in storage. They are currently living on their boat, which they named Floating Home and traveling up and down the east coast. They are enjoying a more simple life.  He has created a dream business where he works with clients only 3 days a week and travels the rest of the time. He hopes to continue working for many years, beyond typical retirement age and says it will be possible because he hasn’t worn himself out with a work that is unfulfilling.

It's time for a big adventure in retirement!

It was Jim's wife's idea to live on a boat, but it's Jim who is the “boat guy” as he grew up on boats.

When Jim married his wife, they wanted to have their own boat. However, between work, raising four children, and maintaining a home, they never had the chance to buy one. Once their children got married and moved on, and Jim's wife Stephanie said she is done with her job, suddenly they were no longer “landlocked.” They spent a few years trying to decide what they would do and where they would live, They did get a small boat which was big enough to sleep on but not that big. Eventually, his wife suggested they live on a boat. Jim's initial thought was, “We will need a bigger boat.”

Then their adventure in retirement began. They sold their house, found a bigger boat, and moved on April 15th, 2017. They initially agreed to an an18-month plan. First, they went to New England to see their daughter and grandkids. Then they went to Chesapeake Bay, which is their home port, and they will go to Florida for their first winter.

So, at the time of this interview, they were almost a year into their adventure in retirement. How is it?

They love it so much! Jim feels living on a boat is like an everyday vacation. It's very relaxing, and it is just a simple life. They are now talking about a 5-year plan to continue their retirement adventure on their boat.

What is it like living on a boat?

I know very little about boats and tend to think of it as somewhat similar to living in an RV. Jim and Stephanie's boat is 50 feet long and 14.5ft wide. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. It's a motor yacht with almost 1000 horsepower. Jim said they don't want to go on a camping in the waters, they want to feel comfortable. They wanted to have a separate space if they needed it so it isn't too cramped.

We talked about all the amenities in Jim's boat and the maintenance and repair that goes along with it. It is quite fascinating! An interesting fact is that you don't have to have your captain's license. The fact that you own a boat and can drive it means you are a captain. Both he and his wife have taken courses through the Coast Guard. Jim's job is to drive the boat and do maintenance on the boat. His wife's job primarily is the navigator. She took a multi-day class through the Annapolis School of Seamanship on how to plot your course. Jim says you never stop learning because things that happen out at sea happen quickly and unexpectedly. Fortunately, they have had none major disasters on their boat, but Jim talks about some scary moments.

What has been the best moments so far?

  • Pulling into New York Harbor and seeing the Statue of Liberty from the water on their own boat.
  • Watching their grandkids run down from the dock onto their boat
  • Jim and his wife have become closer. He says that he and his wife out of necessity have learned to communicate better and work together.

What has been the worst moment so far?

Jim tells us a story about how one engine went down near Atlantic City. The boat is rocking really hard, which made Jim nauseous and sick. Yet, he still had to go to the front of his boat, catch a line from the Sea Tow boat and attach it to his boat so they could tow them.

“We are very removed from all the noise that used to be part of our lives.”

Jim says he has discovered through their journeys and meeting others who boat, that there is hope for humanity. When they removed themselves from the big city and visited Adventure“Small Town America,” they met some of the friendliest people. They take care of each other and look out for each other, and people are very friendly and want to talk to you. He said it has a sort of restored their faith in humanity. They also really do not watch TV and they don't miss it at all. They watch the sunrise in the morning and sunset in the evening, that is their reality television.

We also talked about how they learned to live on a boat, how would someone get started if they were interested and how to buy a boat?. For me, I would have no clue where to even begin or how to live on a boat. He said they read a lot of books from people who have done it. Jim has also written 7 books we based him and his a little on their boating adventure in retirement.

Sometimes when you are getting ready to do something big, your mind starts playing the “what if game” which can paralyze you with fear.  If you are thinking about something you can think about all the things that can go wrong, but what if you have the adventure of a lifetime?

Do you have a story on how you created your own adventure in retirement? We would love to hear it! Post in the comments below.

If you want to check out Jim's Blog on their adventure in retirement, go to http://ourfloatinghome.com/

Jim's Books

Websites Mentioned in the interview:

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Happy Relationship with Your Spouse – Ep 199

Happy Relationship with your spouse after retirementThis episode is from the vault and was first released March 19, 2018.

How to have a happy relationship with your spouse after retirement

This podcast episode falls under Significant Other in the Six Pillars of Retirement. Our guest is Nora Hall, a dedicated problem solver, set out to find solutions to the struggles she and her husband encountered after he retired. Numerous interviews with retirees revealed that most couples experience similar stress during their adjustment period in retirement. Nora shares their stories and offers proven solutions and inspiration for all retired couples to help them have a happy relationship and stay happily married.

Prior to writing full time, Nora worked as a teacher, arts administrator, fundraiser, and writing consultant.

Nora started writing her book and blog because when her husband retired, they didn't expect the change in their happy relationship. They didn't really expect anything about retirement but soon learned they weren't having fun and enjoying it. Nora started to wonder what was going on and decided she needed to find a resolution. In her research, Nora discovered that there were some common circumstances that almost every couple experiences when they start their retirement.

  1. Many times, husbands tend to become angry initially during retirement. Their identity is wrapped up in their careers and when they retire they feel they are losing their identity.
  2. Now that the husband is retired, he doesn't know what to do with himself.
  3. The change of being together all the time put a strain on relationships.

Another common problem Nora discovered in her interviews and in her own relationship is that when their husbands are retired there are suddenly always there. Women have a lot of structure in their day-to-day activities. Out of boredom, the husbands will check on them to see what they are doing throughout the day. Women perceive this as a sort of “butting in” if you will. In reality, the husbands are trying to be helpful and the women find it annoying.

It’s so important to be sensitive to one another’s needs.

Nora tells us a story about when her husband retired and she was still working as a freelance writer at home. She didn't have a door in her office and her husband would come in and start talking to her and distracting her. Her husband didn't understand why Nora would get angry and Nora couldn't understand why he didn't realize that she was busy. She discovered they weren't being sensitive to each other's feelings.

So what solved this problem? Their grandchildren solved the issue. They put a sign on the pantry door that led to Nora's office that said: “Do Not Enter”. When she didn't want to be disturbed she would open the pantry door with the sign on it.

Having a happy relationship with your spouse after retirement might be difficult because of the adjustments you both have to make. 

Nora also talked about the 5 types of husband:

  1. Bossy Husband
    – These are husbands who are in a managerial position (managers, directors, CEO, etc.). They are used to being the boss, so when they come home it's natural for them to expect that they are the boss.
  2. Always There Husband
    – His days are spent in his workplace then suddenly, he's at home all the time. This type of husband doesn't typically have many outside friends to go to lunch with or do things with.
  3. Dependent Husband
    – Not the type of always-there-husband but really doesn't know how to fill his time throughout the day. For example, he wants to go out every Friday, but he expects his wife to plan the trip.
  4. Angry Husband
    – 
    Their identity is wrapped up in their work. There is more anger in men. These husbands don't know what to do with themselves after retirement.
  5. Doesn't-Ever-Listen Husband
    – 
    This one drives women crazy. Before finishing the sentence, they're already questioning you. This can cause a lot of contention in relationships.

One thing that creates a happy retirement is if a couple will compromise.Happy Relationship

Nora suggests that if you realize as a couple, the things that each of you do that gets on the other person's nerves are not intentional. You can start to have meaningful conversations about the things that are bothering you. This will help you have a happy relationship with your spouse.

Nora does a workshop for couples. She helps couples identify how they will create a happy relationship with their spouse.

One example of how she does it is they discuss a particular topic and then they break into groups and discuss further what that meant to them and how they can use that information to create a happier life.

Do you have any tips on maintaining a happy relationship after retirement? If so, share them in the comments below!

Mentioned in this Episode:

Nora's book is available on Amazon–Survive Your Husband's Retirement

You may also want to visit Nora's blog by going to www.surviveyourhusbandsretirement.com

This post about retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com