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Traumatic Experience: Episode 209

Traumatic ExperienceMy Life's Experience

Today's show is going to be a little different from normal so if you are new here, be aware of that.  I'm going to share with you a traumatic event that I experienced which made me think of how we can make our lives a little better. We've been on a hiatus for the last few months, with either replays of previous guests, or with me releasing shows where I was the guest.  I hope you've enjoyed them.

Also, I'm going to be a little graphic in this episode.  If you have little ones in the car with you, you should either have them put on headphones or else wait until they are gone.  I'm getting into some scary details so be sure you don't let the kids listen.  And if you have tender ears, you shouldn't listen either.

A Year Has Passed

It's been a year since we left our home in San Diego and moved across the country to South Carolina. We left San Diego for a couple of reasons, but the main was to be closer to family.  Les's family is all on the east coast and being all the way across the country meant that we rarely saw them.  In the ten years, we were married before the move, we saw his family three times.  Two weddings and a funeral.

We did a whole series on the search and the move, so if you'd like to learn more you can listen to the series of episodes called 55 Plus Community search.  There are four in the series, and they were released starting Feb 4th 2019 and ending on Feb 25th 2019.  The first one, released on February 4th, 2019, talked about What to Compare.  The second, released on February 11, 2019, talked about the Community Tour we took.  Then we released on February 18th, 2019 called We are Home, which discusses why we chose this community, and then on February 25th, 2019 we released the final episode called Mixed Feelings.  If you are considering making a move, I encourage you to listen to all four in the series.  Leave a comment on those shows if you have ideas about this topic.

Then the Traumatic Experience Happened

This was a really traumatic experience for me, and I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions during this episode. Les and I were at a red light and right in front of us we Traumatic Experiencesaw a man get killed. He was on a motorcycle going straight and a woman in a car turned in front of him. This is how a lot of motorcyclists get killed. I did something dumb.

I jumped out of the car, right out of my sandals, and ran across the street barefooted. This was really dumb because it was hot out, and there was glass everywhere.  But I wasn't thinking about my feet just then. I knew that we couldn't move him so I told the lady that we were not moving him, because he could drown in his own blood.  I know that's not the only reason not to move someone after an accident, but honestly, that's the only thing I could think of because of this traumatic experience.

This Traumatic Experience Had a Huge Impact on Me

This traumatic experience made a big impact on me, as you can imagine.  I had to record this episode several times before I could get through it in a format you could listen to.  It happened months ago and I still can't get through the story.

It made me realize that no one knows how much time they have left.  No one. Anyway, after we got home, I started thinking about my life.  If you're a regular listener of the show, you already know that I started this show to help ME retire someday.  I mean, Les and I are already financially independent but I can't seem to pull the trigger.  Les says it's because I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

But that's not true.  I DO know what I would do.  I would start back with my art. Probably spend more time on this show.

Les and I are doing great.   You wouldn't know about his cancer unless we told you.  As far as the move, we have our issues with this place, but it's pretty good.

Sometimes a traumatic experience helps you realize what you want to do in retirement. Whether you are still working, thinking of it, retired, or whatever, you can give it some thought and figure out how to make life better, not just for yourself, but for others too.

Mentioned in this Episode:

55 Plus Community Search
Del Webb
Les has cancer

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Kathe on Blog Talk Radio: Life and Retirement

Kathe on Blog Talk Radio: Life and RetirementThis episode takes you back on the 30th of January 2019, where I was a guest on Reverend Barbara Williams' BlogTalkRadio. In this episode, we talked about Life and Retirement and everything that would help bring positivity in your life. BlogTalkRadio is an audio web-based platform that allows anyone to create live and on-demand talk content on the web. If you’re a radio broadcaster at heart, BlogTalkRadio gives you the ability to go live with it’s web-based studio and host multi-participant broadcasts using just a computer and a phone.

Motivation for Writing My Journal

I was a retirement planner for a good 25 years, and I noticed that retirement and having a good life is not just about money. The people that I’ve worked with and all the financial advisors at that time all spoke only about money. So, I thought about what I could do. That is why I started the Rock Your Retirement Podcast back in 2016. After which, I started interviewing people and what I’ve found that there are actually 6 areas of life that make a good life and retirement.

These are:

  • Spiritual
  • Significant Other
  • Friendship
  • Purpose in Life
  • Family
  • Health

In the journal, people actually track these areas every day. You would give yourself a small goal each day. The first thing you would do is write down in the morning something that you’re grateful for. A visiting pastor from a congregation I kept on finding things you are grateful for said that, start the first day with something that starts with a letter A, and then on the next day finding something with a letter B. For example, let’s say on the first day, you’re grateful for Apples and on the second day, you’re grateful for the bench that you sit on in the park. And on the third, you’re grateful for cantaloupe. So, that’s kind of a good way to try to remember what you’re grateful for. This journal is not meant to spend hours on, it’s meant to be something quick in the morning and quick in the evening. Then you write a goal in either all six of the pillars.

How Can You Be Happy with Life and Retirement?

From the Rock Your Retirement Show, I’ve interviewed so many people.  Basically, what you have to do is you have to build that support system before you retire. But if you’ve already retired, and it’s too late to build that support, don’t worry, you could still build a support system but it really helps to start getting friends outside of work a year or two before you retire. One way that many of my guests have done this is through a website called Meetup.com. Sign up for a free account there and with that account, you can find meetups that are in person. Even though the program is online, you’re actually meeting persons. After that, you can search for something that you enjoy. Let’s say you like to hike, or bicycle, or garden, or like to read, these types of activities, there are other people in your city that like to do it to.

Social and Family Issues

We all have family issues. It’s hard because you don’t pick your family. God sorts of pick who your family is going to be and we all are there in the same house at one point but we all have our different perspectives.

I am not the expert at this, but that is why I try to make a little short goal every day of how I am going to be better.

Keeping Your Parents Safe at Homes

When I say keeping your parents safe at home, I’m talking about when they get too elderly, when things become dangerous for people to live by themselves. For example, in my generation, we have a lot of kids that are in college that we are still kind of supporting maybe not financially but emotionally and we have parents that are getting elderly, getting frail, they might have Parkinson’s disease or dementia. So, that is part of family issues as well. Trying to keep your family safe.

Life and Retirement: What People Need to Know Before Facing ItLife and Retirement

Before you retire, you need to know that depending on the type of job that you have, it might not be all roses. You might be busier in retirement than when you were working but unless you have something that is your purpose that you can replace that feeling of working, you might have problems adjusting. For some people their purpose is their grandkids, for some is their volunteer work. You have to figure out what your purpose is in life and retirement. God put us on Earth to do something. What is that something that God put you on Earth to do?

Sex

I had a guest on my show who said that anybody can have sex. Even if you physically can’t do it, we still need that physical touch and that physical connection that we get when we have sex. It doesn’t matter how old you are and it doesn’t matter if you’re frail. There are ways for you to have a sexual connection. Sex is a very important part of our life and when God gives us bodies to enjoy. He didn’t give us bodies to go out and desecrate them, but He gave us this body that we are supposed to enjoy with our life partner.

Mentioned in this Episode:

BlogTalkRadio
Six Pillars of Retirement
The Baby Boomer's 30-Day Journal
MeetUp.com

Kathe Guests on Hillbilly Nerd Talk to talk about Retirement – Ep 207

RetirementAs we’re getting ready to make major life changes, we’re consulting with an expert on making the next phase of life the best it can be. Kathe Kline of RockYourRetirement.com and The Rock Your Retirement Podcast joins us to talk about more than finances moving into “after work years”. Kathe shares with us great tips about being prepared for retirement, planning together, not being tied to “stuff”, and Meetup.com.

Retirement

There are so many people that don’t want to retire. Take my husband, for example, Les is financially able to retire, he doesn’t work per se, for money, but he does a lot. He’s on the board of a couple of companies, he does a ton of work even though sometimes these companies make money than we’ll get something for it. He’s considered retired, but he’s not sitting around watching Westworld. You got two types of people. People that can financially retire and people that have done nothing. People who have done no thought at all are hurting.

Sacrificing in Retirement

In one of my episodes, Wendy Holt made a career change. She was living in Los Angeles and she was in a high-powered job then one day. She just said, “You know what? We’re moving.” So, she and her husband moved to Costa Rica together. Giving up their jobs in the States. The result was that she is loving the move, having a bed-and-breakfast. It’s kind of like she can work whenever she wants. But even though she’s having a great time abroad, she gave up a lot of stuff. In Costa Rica, they don’t have the Internet the way that we do and they just don’t have what we have here. There is something to be said to somebody who can do that, who can say goodbye to all their stuff.

Hank and Petra live differently than most people in their socio-economic place. Hank drives a 12-year-old pick-up truck named Elmer. Things like that, they can see what Wendy Holt is going through and they think they too could have retired early because they don’t live in extravagant lifestyles.

Getting Rid of Unwanted StuffRetirement Planning

On the Rock Your Retirement Show, I also talk about how to get rid of unwanted stuff because we are emotionally attached to our stuff and some of those have personal memories for us. The problem is how are we going to get rid of those stuffs, because at some point you’re either going to move into a smaller place or you’re going to die and then somebody else is going to be stuck going through your stuff.

I have so many friends that over the years; They got a new car every two to four years. And I’m like, do you realize what an impact that is putting in your life and not only that, you know how many marriages break up. A lot of that has to do with money stress. People are just stressed out. When you have the house, car, cable payment, the payment on your boat, your storage building, all these payments it adds a lot of weight on your shoulder.

When you are debt free, that removes the stress off your shoulders. Less stress on your relationship, less stress on yourself, you are probably not going to get sick. Just like cancer is caused by stress.

Meetup.com

There’s a site called Meetup.com, and I had 3 guests on my show talked about it. Basically, Meetup is a place online to meet in person. Let’s say you want to write a book, you can start a Meetup for aspiring authors and you can get together once a month or whenever you want. When my husband Les and I got married, we didn’t have a lot of couple friends. So, I started one which is for married couples or people who have been together for two years and we met a bunch of friends that way. You can do anything you want like going to free concerts or tennis. The person who starts the thread will be the one to pay for it and it's about $15 a month. If you want to find people that are in your same situation and want to do the same things, I highly recommend it.

Retirement Process

The retirement process all comes down to just being proactive. People who aren’t remotely prepared for retirement financially, those people just weren’t very proactive about it. And Hank and Petra are being proactive about retirement because they’re doing something about it.

If you don’t have that need of being able to put clothes on your body, food in your might, or a roof over your head, you’re not going to be worried about Meetup. You’re not going to be worried about some other things that I talk about on my show. But, if you have that taken care of, if you got the basic needs then there are other needs that you need to be met and no one’s talking about it. That is why I do talk about those things. I’m not an expert on that field but I have guests on my show that can share their thoughts about retirement.

Phases of Retirement

The Go-Go Years – Meaning you’re off doing things, taking trips, you’re learning and all that kind of stuff. Those are the Go-Go Years because you are going.

Slow-Go Years – That’s when things slow down.

No-Go Years– That’s when you’re too frail to go.

While you’re still young, that’s when you want to do the things that you want to do. Get out there and do whatever makes you feel alive.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Meetup.com
Retire at Age 40 – Episode 9
Hillbilly Nerd Talk
RockYourRetirement.com/Secrets

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Staying Youthful in Retirement – Episode 206

Staying Youthful in RetirementThis episode is from the vault and was first released November 12, 2018

How to Stay Youthful?

What's the secret of looking younger and feeling better? How to stay youthful? Our guest for today's podcast is Judy Gaman. She's a successful radio show host. The name of her show is “The Staying Young Radio Show“. She's also the author of “Age to Perfection“, “Stay Young“, and “Love, Life, and Lucille“.

Staying Young

Staying young is a great problem that we have in our society right now. A lot of our diet wreaks havoc in the bacterias living in our gut. Some examples are carbohydrates and artificial sweeteners. We need to balance our good and bad bacterias. Our gut microbiome is connected to other aspects of our body so we have to take care of it.

Taking Care of our Digestive SystemStaying Youthful

You have to take Fiber-rich foods like apple, banana, orange, strawberry, raspberry, vegetables, etc. Fiber is a type of carbohydrate that the body can’t digest. Though most carbohydrates are broken down into sugar molecules, fiber cannot be broken down into sugar molecules, and instead, it passes through the body undigested. Fiber helps regulate the body’s use of sugars, helping to keep hunger and blood sugar in check.

Sauerkraut is a great probiotic. Probiotics are live bacteria and yeasts that are good for you, especially your digestive system. We usually think of these as germs that cause diseases. But your body is full of bacteria, both good and bad. Probiotics are often called “good” or “helpful” bacteria because they help keep your gut healthy. You can find probiotics in supplements and some foods, like yogurt. Doctors often suggest them to help with digestive problems.

How to Stay Youthful

Eating healthy is the key. Always remember that not all organic foods are pesticide-free. You can try setting up a small garden in your house so you can grow your pesticide-free foods!

Remove soda in your diet. Some people buy soda to clean their house. Imagine putting that in your body!

Judy gave us 4 choices and she said we only have to pick one and follow it. Here are the options she gave us:

  1. If you are into artificial sweeteners, you have to stop using it.
  2. Set your sleep schedule and you have to stick to it.
  3. Find a way to exercise.
  4. Eat 7 servings of fruits and vegetables every single day.
CONNECT WITH JUDY GAMAN:

Source:

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Having a Great Retirement – Episode 205

Great Retirement ExperienceThis episode is from the vault and was first released September 10, 2018

Randy Gardner's Retirement Experience

In today’s episode, we have Randy Gardner, who is going to tell us about his great retirement experience. Randy just recently retired. In fact, as of our recording, he had only been retired 1 week. Randy serves as an inspiration for the many listeners of my show who want to retire early or planning to retire but may have some reservations.

Incidentally, Randy is also a big fan of the Rock Your Retirement Show and started to follow it a few years back. He had to travel for three hours between cities and grew the habit of listening to podcasts. That’s exactly when he discovered my show and started listening to it!

Soon, he got the idea to retire himself but wasn’t sure of his financial situation. He also had his wife to convince who was an artist but also adept when it came to finances.

How a financial advisor can help you decide if you are ready for great retirement

Randy sat with his financial advisor and went through his financial position. He tried to evaluate how his retirement may turn out if he chose to quit his technical job. Interestingly, both of them realized that he would be doing quite well even if he chose to retire right now! They worked on the finances and his income, including Social Security, to get a detailed picture of his financial scenario into the great retirement years.

Randy got his wife to sit down with his financial advisor, who made the picture clear to his wife and answered all her questions. Getting the confidence he needed, Randy decided to give up his job and spend a life of retirement.

Randy is a Rock your Retirement listener!

I know that many of you are worried about being bored in retirement. Randy was also plagued by the same thought. He wondered how he could fill up his week, which was earlier spent working for over 40 hours. Let's take a look at Randy's great retirement experience.

Randy had already started listening to my show and started taking cues and notes from the stories people had to contribute. He started to develop a list of things to do in his retirement life, which will keep him busy. To his surprise, both Randy and his wife had quite a few things which they had put off for various reasons.

Here are some things Randy wants to do to have a great retirement experienceGreat Retirement

For starters, Randy wants to play a lot of golf that he enjoys to the fullest! He is also thinking about continuing his interest in music and maybe start learning piano which he had given up at the age of 12. Both Randy and his wife also want to travel a lot! They would like to go on some train trips and cruises that they've always had their eyes on.

Randy even wants to learn a foreign language and makes notes of things he wants to do in his iPad or iPhone all the time. Another impetus to retire was to spend more time with their daughter and son-in-law. Being retired, they were now free to move to Austin, where their daughter lived. They also bought a house in the city that is located only a short distance away from their daughter’s home. Randy is also free to spend time with his mother, who is single and over 90 years old.

Retiring has also brought other pleasures that he could not enjoy during his working life. He can go to bed late and wake up late. Although by his standards 6 am is as late as it could be! Randy loves to watch the sunrise with a cup of coffee. He believes it is the best time to spend with family. He can begin the day with his daughter, son-in-law, and wife and talk about all the day has to offer.

Advice from Randy based on his great retirement experience:

Randy believes that we all should have a routine and purpose to get up the next day. It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary but simple things like going to the gym or taking a walk in the park. He inherited the habit from his father, who was a stern believer of a routine life.

If you are worried about retiring and wondering how you would be able to spend your day- Randy has some suggestions. You should start making a list of reasons to quit your job and what to do when you retire. More often than not, you will end up with multiple items that will keep you busy during your great retirement years.

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Dealing with Family Rejection – Episode 204

How to Deal with Family RejectionThis episode is from the vault and was first released August 13, 2018

Do You Struggle with Family Rejection?

Family rejection is a very common problem across the world. Many kids don’t talk to their parents and don’t even want to maintain any contact. Many of my listeners have the same problem and have estranged daughter or son living in other countries.

In this episode, our guest Tina Gilbertson provides helpful insights on how to deal with family rejection. She is a Colorado-based psychotherapist who helps repair estranged relationships between parents and their children. Gilbertson found the problem so common among her clients that she wrote three books and a ton of articles on the subject.

She will be giving out important tips on how to deal with family rejection and get talking with your estranged children.

Every relationship has a chance

Tina believes that every relationship has a potential to be repaired but for that, parents need to take both emotional and strategic steps.

The first thing to do is to understand that your children may not be hurting you or avoiding you intentionally – it is because they have been hurt by something and hurting you back in the process.

Develop compassion

You have to develop a sense of self-compassion along with compassion for your children. You have to accept your mistakes and understand the grievances of your kids.

Also, you may not always be at fault. Sometimes kids have a different experience because of their personality and perception without you having done anything wrong. Everybody has their temperament and you cannot do anything about it. Whatever be the case get over the parental shame and develop a mindset of compassion.

Only then you will be able to get to apologize to repair the relationship.

Give a good apology

An apology is a gift and best tool to mend broken relationships suggests Tina. She lists out several factors that make up a good apology and open the doors of communication.

To render a good and effective apology you must let all your guards down and become defenseless. Even if you are one percent defensive it will seep into your apology and make it ineffective.

Tina tells us three unique factors that make up a good apology

Family Rejection

First, you need to be specific and say what you are sorry for; you should specifically speak out what you might have done wrong to hurt the person. If you are at fault, accept and clearly say you had done that.

The second factor is to understand and relay back why it was hurtful to the person. For example, you can say “I’m, sorry, you didn’t deserve that” or “I’m sorry that my tone was harsh,” instead of saying that you were just sorry!

The third factor is regret – you have to show that you are really sorry and regret the fact that your hurt them or did something wrong. You can add things like “if only I could take it back,” or “If I could change things..” to make your apology emotional and sincere.

A good apology will break the ice and can get your children talking to you.

Connect with Tina

Email: [email protected]

Website: tinagilbertson.com

Books

Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children

Constructive Wallowing

The Good Breakup Guide

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com