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Is Multi-Generational Living for You? – Ep 234

Multi-generational livingAre you living in a multi-generational household or considering having your parents move in? Do you take care of aging parents as well as your own children? Do you know someone who is having challenges with caring for their parents? If any of these situations are yours, then this series is for you.

If you’re asked to picture a typical American home, you’ll probably imagine a single-family dwelling holding a mom, dad, kids and maybe a family pet. That picture isn’t as typical as it once was. Today’s family home may also house grandparents or a young adult or two. Multi-generational living is a term used to describe households in which there are at least two adult generations in residence. Two types of multi-generational living are becoming more common in recent years; two-generation households, where adult children live with parents, and three-generation homes, where there are adult children, parents, and grandparents living under the same roof.

Challenges in Parenting

Having parents around has some advantages, like being able to be a backstop for any kind of child care. A lot of young parents go through this challenge when they first become parents on what to do with childcare you know one of the spouses stays home and one of them calls part-time. Can they do remote work opportunities, or can they make it work if your work is close enough?

Where they can have an in-house nanny? There's a lot of just different challenges when talking to peers. One of the first to talk about is how are you handling child care. Have you found a nanny or have you found good child care, a daycare in your location? For Tae, thankfully having his parents there has allowed them to continue full force on their career. Thankfully, on the days that both of them have to leave the house, his parents are able to help out with that. It's amazing just having that support.

Save Up as Much Money as You Can

You want to be just as financially prepared as possible, especially when it’s your peak earning years. To be able to just kind of get our head down, work as much as you can because you know there could be a time and hopefully not ten years down the line if one of you really needs to be home to spend more time with one of your parents. That could be a possibility, and for Tae’s family, they don't want finances to become a burden.

A lot of people in my generation, the baby boomers or Gen Xers, even though we can financially afford to retire we would feel that something was missing in our lives if we weren't working and that's what a lot this show is about. It started because I've been trying to retire on my own, trying to let go of work, and that's why we're here. But it is good to listen to the other generation’s point of view as well and I think as long as you and your parents and your wife are all communicating so that when your parents don't want to work for a week or whatever you know because when you're older, you don't have as much energy to run after a five and six.

In a Multi-Generational Household we Should Have a Time for Ourselves and a Time for the FamilyMulti-generational living

Tae said it is very important just for his parents to have their alone time with their friends or just the 2 of them. For his wife and kids, they also have their own family time. They try to go to get away for the weekend, just the 4 of them. Thankfully, just as his parents are independent they're okay with them saying, “Hey we're going to go away for the weekend” and they're totally fine with that they're like, great the house is going to be quiet for the weekends. Once in a while, they go together on family trips.

Every family and situation is different and living in a multi-generational home will work very well for some and be quite difficult for others. As population centers become crowded and new construction continues to fall short of demand, multi-generational living will become even more economical in the future.

About Our Co-Host

Tae is the blogger behind Financial Tortoise. He writes about navigating the intersection between personal finance and being a sandwich generation. Tae and his wife cohabitate with his aging parents while raising their own children and building their careers.

Mentioned in This Episode:

MedicareQuick.com/Checklist
Pros and Cons of Multi-Generational Living
RockYouRetirement.com/support

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on https://RockYourRetirement.com

Challenges for the Sandwich Generation -Ep 233

Challenges for the Sandwich GenerationAre you living in a multigenerational household or are you considering having your parents move in? Do you take care of aging parents as well as your own children?

Do you know someone who is having challenges with caring for their parents? If any of these situations are yours, then this series is for you.

In other countries, the sandwich generation is a cultural thing, and it has been passed on from generation to generation. Therefore, it’s a given. But is it necessarily a bad thing? There is nothing wrong with caring for family members.

In last week’s episode, we spoke about what the sandwich generation is and what issues you may face if you are taking care of both your parents and your own children. Today, we’re talking about six lessons for the Sandwich Generation. Now Tae and I didn't get through all six of the lessons in our conversation but they are all listed below

Get to Know Everybody’s Finances

Growing up as an immigrant family, Tae’s parents didn't know anything about retirement savings, and money wasn't discussed in his household. Tae said when his parents moved in they didn't have a formal sit down but he does have a sense of his parent's financial situation. His father has a small business where he generates a little money from that, but both of his parent's main source of income is Social Security.  He also knew that whatever money that had saved was really the down payment that they had for this home. So his parent's offer was we will help you with the down payment for your home bu you know, that we come with the house and you guys take care of the majority of the overall expenses.

The conversation of finances can be tricky because there is a fine line between knowing everything about your parent's financial situation and still respecting his parent’s independence and their decision making. So, definitely, by living together, they were able to have more natural organic conversations where he learns more a little at a time. But he doesn’t know if he could sit down with that and be like ‘alright, let's learn everything'.

Understand whose money it is

Just because you are responsible for paying all the bills doesn’t mean it’s “your money.” If you can have your parents make some of the financial decisions that is the best way to go. Also, if you have children living with you, make them pay their fair share for certain things. Even if you are able to afford to shoulder the cost alone. Many experts suggest that grown-up children who return to the nest post-college should pay their parents for a portion of the household expenses. “Otherwise, they don’t grow up to be independent.

Seek out the right professionals and organizations for help

You don't have to do it alone! Unless you’re a financial and legal wiz — and an ace social worker to boot — there’s no way you can manage the myriad affairs of your life, let alone your parents’ lives. If you haven’t already, you’ll want to consider working with a financial adviser for everything from retirement to college planning. You’d also be surprised how much direct help you can get — or referrals to professionals — through government programs or nonprofit organizations. (Best of all: A lot of these resources are free.) A great place to start is your local Area Agency on Aging (these are programs funded through the federal government

Find good care

If your aging parents need extra care, get help! In the article, the author writes: If there’s a single professional who’s made the greatest difference in my life — and my father’s life — in the past couple of years, it’s the caregiver who spends about 35 hours a week with him. She not only takes care of a lot of day-to-day needs, but she also provides companionship. Not a small thing when you’ve reached the point in life, as my father has, where you’ve outlived your spouse and most of your friends. But finding good care is no easy task. (And the same is true if you’re looking for a caregiver for your children, though I’m thankfully well past that stage.) It may be something of a cliché to suggest this, but it never hurts to ask friends, family members, and neighbors for recommendations. I found my dad’s caregiver through a neighbor who just happened to know a caregiver looking for a new client.

Raising the Kids

Grandparents love to spoil the grandkids, so an example would be, they'll come home late and they'll ask his kids  ‘Hey, do you guys want some ice cream?' and it's like 9 pm. And as parents, they would say like ‘oh no, you can't do that'. We've had to let grandpa know, and come to a level of understanding saying, “hey after eight o'clock, can we make sure there will be no more snacks.”

It's definitely a fine balance between trying to because we're still learning how to be good parents and we don't know what the best approach is. Having an agreement with raising our children is fine but at the same time being open-minded that ‘hey, is this really that big of a deal?', aren't, our children being able to live in a home where they feel loved? That's more important versus trying to uphold certain rules. Finding the right balance between trying to have the best parenting approach but at the same time being open enough to know, kind being able to step back and see the big picture and say okay you know, the environment on which they grew up matters more.

Making Time for Yourself and Making Time for Your Loved Ones

You have to have quality time with your spouse. For Tae this has been crucial to find quality time. Having parents and kids there, weeks can go by without him and his wife having their own time. Tae’s wife has been really good at saying ‘hey we need to go for a walk' or ‘you and I need to go out so we can take advantage of the built-in child care. So at times the will ask his parents to watch the kids for the evening while they go out to dinner.

It's one of those things where if they weren't intentional about making time for themselves, it wouldn't happen. Having some alone time a couple of times a week lets them talk about what is happening in the household and their lives. It also allows them to talk about how they are feeling. Knowing that this is the challenge of living in a multigenerational household, if you're not talking to your partner about it this on a regular basis, that's where things will really fall apart.

Our Co-Host

Tae is the blogger behind Financial Tortoise. He writes about navigating the intersection between personal finance and being a sandwich generation. Tae and his wife cohabitate with his aging parents while raising their own children and building their careers.

Mentioned in This Episode:

MedicareQuick.com/Checklist

6 Lessons for the Sandwich Generation

RockYouRetirement.com/support

Dave Ramsey

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on https://RockYourRetirement.com

The Sandwich Generation – Episode 232

The Sandwich GenerationAdults in their 30s – 50s have parents age 65 and older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child. With an aging population and a generation of young adults struggling to achieve financial independence, this stress takes a toll not only on personal relationships but also affects the relationship with their spouse, children, and family. But living in a sandwich generation can also provide you with benefits.

If you're living in a multi-generational household, you must listen to this series. In today's episode, we'll talk about what exactly is the sandwich generation and what issues are you going to face if you're taking care of both your parents and your own children.

My guest today, Tae Kim, is a blogger. He writes about navigating the intersection between personal finance and being part of the sandwich generation. Tae and his wife live with their aging parents while raising their own children and building their careers.

How Their Sandwich Generation Started

Tae and his wife have been cohabiting with their parents for about six years now, so what triggered it was actually when his wife was pregnant with their first. Like any young parents, they were trying to figure out what to do with child care. Tae’s father approached them and said, “Hey, I know you guys are thinking about wanting to get a house, we can help out with the down payment but we come with the house”. So, they took the offer, and it was also an opportunity for them to lower their housing costs as well as spend time with the grandkids and help them out.

The Usefulness of Being in a Sandwich Generation

When Tae and his parents started cohabiting together it was very useful, especially when his mother was around. You trust your mother much more than a stranger that you hire. But they still did hire a helper for her, because it has been physically hard for Tae’s mother to take care of an infant, but then just the fact that she was there, watching over about everything gave them a lot of comforts. That definitely was a huge benefit of living together, because Tae said they would have been scrambling in the morning to either have an in house nanny or like drop the kids off out a different location.

It Can Help Ease the Burden at Home

Tae’s parents, help out with dropping them their kids and picking them up on the days that Tae and his wife were not around, but because they do not have to watch the kids What is the Sandwich Generation?all day, it's not physically draining. So it's really just helping out with our morning and the afternoon, but for them, it’s a huge help. Just the fact that someone can, when the kids wake up, help with just dressing them, feeding them, dropping off to school and picking them up, that's a huge help, as they are able to focus on their careers because it would be really challenging. Tae tried doing what their parents did when his parents weren't around for about a week. He tried dropping the kids off to school and picking them up, and it was so stressful.

The Sandwich Generation Energizes Your Parents

To see your parents strong when you're younger and then to see them getting weaker as they get older gives a great deal of impact in you. But when they are with their grandchildren, you just kinda see this sense of liveliness, that just, they can be children again and that just gave them a sense of energy that just increases when being around younger children who are also energetic.

Being a member of the sandwich generation can offer a wide variety of benefits to all the members of your family, but that doesn’t mean you need to take on all of these responsibilities on your own. As time goes by, things change and so will your life’s circumstances. Find out as much as you can about balancing your life during the sandwich years.

About Our Co-Host

Tae is the blogger behind Financial Tortoise.  He writes about navigating the intersection between personal finance and being a sandwich generation.  Tae and his wife paid off $105,000 student loans in 3.5 years while growing their families, cohabiting with his aging parents, and building their careers.

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Mentioned in This Episode:

MedicareQuick.com/Checklist
What is the Sandwich Generation?
RockYouRetirement.com/support

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on https://RockYourRetirement.com

Baby Boomers Retiring in Mexico- Episode 231

retiring in mexicoSome baby boomers are moving to and retiring in Mexico.

They are doing this not just to save money, but to have a better retirement lifestyle. I talked with Travis Scott Luther who wrote a book called The Fun Side of the Wall: Baby Boomer Retirement in Mexico. Travis completed a thesis in 2010 about baby boomers retiring in Mexico. He received a lot of inquiries about the subject so he decided he would write a book.

Unexpected Findings

From 2007 through 2009 we were going through that global financial crisis. It was during that time Travis has found this small group of expats in Mexico. What he was most curious about is why anyone would want to leave the United States.  After all, the United States was the best country in the world with the best of everything.

His gut told him that perhaps people who might be struggling financially in the US would consider retiring in Mexico to stretch their budget. Maybe they could live more comfortably in Mexico. What he found, was quite to the contrary. The person most likely to move to Mexico was actually a high-income earner. Upper middle class if not upper class. Also highly educated. So what he found was that it wasn't people who were low income but rather people who thought more about their money and some who wanted to even retire early.

Baby Boomers who move to Mexico retiring on average 5 years earlier than their US counterparts

What about Medical Care when you are Retiring in Mexico?

One of the reasons Les and I did not move out of the country and live abroad is because Les was concerned about medical care. Since beginning this podcast, I have talked with many people who live in the US but who go to other countries, including Mexico, to have certain medical procedures done.

Travis talks with people who are living in the US and wanting information on retiring in Mexico.  He says that medical care is a very common question and concern people have.  What he discovered is that there are a number of routes to enroll in Mexico's public health system. You can do it through work or if you're not working, you can enroll through residency. Medical enrollment is actually very easy to acquire versus other countries. He says people who are living in Mexico reported that you might have to wait a bit longer to receive care for a non-emergency standard appointment. However, the standard of care you will receive is comparable to the United States.

The Language Barrier

Travis found that the baby boomers who moved down there had really dove into the culture and learning the language. In a lot of the communities that he visited there is no shortage of at least one expat happy to help you navigate the language barriers. There are also many English speaking Mexicans who have lived in these communities for generations. They are fluent in both English and Spanish. According to Travis it really isn't hard to get around. No one should be fearful of the language barrier and letting it get in the way of retiring in Mexico. Plus, we all have Google translate now at the tip of our fingers.

Retirement Lifestyle in Mexico

When Travis first went down to Mexico in 2007 for his research, he discovered that the folks who moved to Mexico usually had some kind of personal relationship with a friend or family member who already lived there. So people were much more likely to move if they have some social ties that already existed. In his more recent research, he found that people were more likely to move to Mexico on their own without knowing a single person. Travis attributes this to Social Media and the internet and our ability to keep in touch and form relationships online now.

The people that Travis spoke with told him what initially attracted them to the move was the cost savings. However, what made them stay is that they found this authentic community in Mexico. It was this combination of Mexican culture and the Mexican appreciation and respect for elders that they didn't feel like they had in the United States. Many felt that a culture of consumerism that overtook them or overwhelmed them in the US is something that they really needed a break from.

They also discovered a rich cultural history and this feeling as if they were connected to something that was important to them.

Another thing the expats told Travis was that they didn't want to have their retirement dictated to them. In the United States, retirement has become commodified. They wanted a sense of community.

Is Retiring in Mexico right for you?

I have always considered moving to Mexico or another Latin country for a limited time. Perhaps move there for 10 years when I am in my 60's so I can soak up the relaxed lifestyle that retirement in Mexico brings.

Moving and retiring in Mexico or any other country is not for everyone. Some people find it difficult to assimilate into the culture.

Do you know anyone who lives in Mexico or another country? Have you considered a move like this? Comment below, I would love to hear your thoughts!

About our guest:  Travis Scott Luther is a Denver, Colorado writer, speaker, and entrepreneur. He received his Master’s in Sociology from the University of Colorado Denver. He is a former Adjunct Professor of Entrepreneurship at MSU Denver and former Entrepreneur in Residence to the University of Colorado Denver. 

Luther first became interested in Baby Boomers retiring in Mexico during graduate school. His Masters Thesis research contributed to the content in this book. He continues to be interested in U.S. expatriates retiring all over the world and continues to monitor those who have chosen Mexico. You can reach him via his website at http://www.travisluther.com 

The Fun Side of the Wall: Baby Boomer Retirement in Mexico

This post on retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Finding True Love in Your Senior Years -Ep 230

Finding True Love in Your Senior YearsLove is a complex word, which we will be talking about today, specifically finding love during your senior years. Our guest speaker Dr. Joan Bragar has helped successful women use online dating to find a loving life partner. She wrote the book on it called, “Never too Late for Love: The Successful Women's Guide to Online Dating in the Second Half of Life.

She was certified as a relationship coach and she herself met her husband on Match.com and got married at age 62. So she knows what she's talking about!

Meeting Someone Online

Dr. Bragar got divorced at 58. She's the kind of person who actually likes to live in companionship and love. That is why she knew for a fact that she wanted to remarry. It was her son who was 32 and single at that time, who encouraged her to meet someone online. She'd never heard of it. Her son encouraged her to just try it and she at least thought she would test the waters and try it.

Not knowing the person you are dating is one difficulty you encounter when dating online. It is also more difficult to check them out through other people since you don't belong in the same social circle or community. So the four safety rules must be practiced. You don't give your phone number to anybody; you don't give your whole name out, meet someone in public, and only meet for coffee, not for dinner.

Practices in Online Dating: Meeting the Right One in Your Senior Years

PRACTICE ONE: SET YOUR INTENTION

This practice is more of an internal practice. Set your intention and decide what you really want. This is something you need to do before you go online dating. Some people just want to meet casually and meet lots of different people. Others want to be in a committed relationship. It's important to know what you want first, and this takes a bit of work and reflection. There are questions in the book of Dr. Bragar that you can ask yourself to know what you really want at this time in your life. You don't have to tell the person on the first date what you want, but you need to be clear without telling everything.

Dr. Bragar also mentioned not to interview the person on a first date. You are just getting to know somebody and it is important to know if you enjoy talking with this person and if you're comfortable with them. However,  it's also important to get to know someone if you're going to choose to live your life with them.

Dr. Bragar was able to meet 40 men in 2 years before meeting the right one. Her husband showed up right before her 60th birthday. She made an intention that she would call him by her 59th birthday but that didn't happen. So she made another plan to call him before her 60th birthday. Joan had had a few dates with two other men that didn't feel right and had she not made the intention to call her current husband before her 60th birthday, it may have never happened. She most likely wouldn't have tried again and probably would have taken a little break from dating after the two men that didn't work out.

She checked on the profiles of some men and she tried meeting them because she learned that you couldn’t tell much about people from an online profile. You actually need to meet someone in person to get a really good reading on them. So, as she exchanged one short message with her husband, she agreed right away to meet when he asked her to meet at Starbucks. They both understood that unless they met someone in person, they didn't know anything.

PRACTICE TWO: LOVE MUST COME WITHIN YOU

If you want to have love in your life, live a life of love. She explained that if you want more love, the place it has to come from is you. So you must build your relationships with family and friends. So when she invited her husband on her 60th birthday, he was able to meet all her family and friends. She was in a loving relationship, and it wasn't coming from deprivation. It is wanting to have a partner with a very different kind of love since she's been creating love in her life.

PRACTICE THREE: LEARNING HOW TO DATE ONLINE

Even if you're in your senior years and this your first time dating online, you must know how to set up a profile. Women must put up the right photo because men are visual.

PRACTICE FOUR: LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENT OF DATING

She advised delaying intimacy until you know what kind of relationship you're in. People get intimate early in relationships even before they commit to somebody. So the key here is to unpack all the early parts of your heart that had been hurt in love and heal them so that every time some stranger doesn't return your call you don't get wounded by it. A lot of healing is very important or else you'll stop reaching out to meet new people and you'll be alone.

PRACTICE FIVE: OPENING YOUR LIFE TO HAVING A “REAL MAN”

At the time they were still in the process of meeting, Dr. Bragar had very professional photos. He thought I was a little too corporate. When she looked at his photos, he was on Finding True Love in Your Senior Yearsa dock with a dog in a great big beard and just jeans and I thought he might be too much of a hippie for her. But we said, All right, well, at least meet each other. It turned out in reality, we're both a bit more to the middle of that spectrum. We have a tremendous amount in common. And so, you know, he's a guy, he's not me.

He's always open to talking with me. He loves to talk to me, but it's a different relationship than a girlfriend.

Yes, we are in our senior years, but we now have an extra decade of our lives. If we're lucky and fortunate, which most of us are, we have an extra decade of healthy living, We're no longer worried about establishing a career or being successful that way. And we're no longer child-rearing. Even in our senior years, we're looking at 10 or 20 years of a healthy life. And that's why there are more divorces not only a healthy life but women who you know, know how to support themselves and are not financially dependent on men. So you want to have a choice, to live that part of your life as happy as possible.

About Our Co-Host

Dr. Joan Bragar helps successful women use online dating to find loving life partners.

She is the author of Never Too Late for Love: The Successful Woman's Guide to Online Dating in the Second Half of Life. Certified as a relationship coach by Katherine Woodward Thomas, the family therapist and New York Times best-selling author of Calling in the One and Conscious Uncoupling.

You can ask for a digital copy of her book by writing her at [email protected]

Side Note: If you haven't read my article on what the future is for the Rock Your Retirement Show, you can read more about it HERE 
Mentioned in This Episode:

Never Too Late for Love: The Successful Woman's Guide to Online Dating in the Second Half of Life

RockYouRetirement.com/VPN

Match.com

This post about retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Not Exactly Goodbye

I wanted to let you know what the future is for the Rock Your Retirement Show.

If you have listened to the episode where I discussed my traumatic event, you’ll remember that I’m re-evaluating my life. This event was life-changing for me. If you haven’t listened to the episode, and you are interested, just go to Episode 209

Since this traumatic event, I decided I wanted to scale back on some of my workload. I have already announced to my remaining financial planning clients that I’ll be retiring from financial planning on 12/31/2020. Although I partially retired from financial planning in 2015, I continued to work with my favorite clients.

With Covid-19 affecting so many of our lives, I’ve had additional time to reflect. In my time of reflection, I have discovered that I need to make some further changes. And those changes affect the show.

Since 2016 I have been paying to host the show. Although I’ve added some advertising it has never supported the show. In fact, my affiliate link provider has indicated to me that I’m not getting enough click-throughs, so they want to start charging me as well! So, if I continue to run ads it will actually cost me money!!

It has been a tough choice however, I have decided that after we run all the shows we’ve already recorded, I’m going to take a break and we will stop doing our weekly episodes. It costs me about $150 per month to keep the show going, and my revenues are nowhere near that amount.

The only way I can continue on a regular basis is to get some listener support. You can support the show at a $3 per month basis if you’d like. If a small percentage of my listeners did this, then I will get the $150 I need to continue weekly episodes beyond 07/06/2020 when our last weekly interview is scheduled to be released.

Don’t worry though, even if I don’t get the support I need to continue on a regular basis, I’ll still pop in sporadically to tell you how I am doing. So, stay subscribed so you get the notifications.

In case you’re interested in supporting the show, here’s where you can do it: http://RockYourRetirement.com/Support

Your friendship over the last few years, and support of the show and me personally, means the world to me.

 

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