858-876-2548

Dealing with Family Rejection – Episode 204

How to Deal with Family RejectionThis episode is from the vault and was first released August 13, 2018

Do You Struggle with Family Rejection?

Family rejection is a very common problem across the world. Many kids don’t talk to their parents and don’t even want to maintain any contact. Many of my listeners have the same problem and have estranged daughter or son living in other countries.

In this episode, our guest Tina Gilbertson provides helpful insights on how to deal with family rejection. She is a Colorado-based psychotherapist who helps repair estranged relationships between parents and their children. Gilbertson found the problem so common among her clients that she wrote three books and a ton of articles on the subject.

She will be giving out important tips on how to deal with family rejection and get talking with your estranged children.

Every relationship has a chance

Tina believes that every relationship has a potential to be repaired but for that, parents need to take both emotional and strategic steps.

The first thing to do is to understand that your children may not be hurting you or avoiding you intentionally – it is because they have been hurt by something and hurting you back in the process.

Develop compassion

You have to develop a sense of self-compassion along with compassion for your children. You have to accept your mistakes and understand the grievances of your kids.

Also, you may not always be at fault. Sometimes kids have a different experience because of their personality and perception without you having done anything wrong. Everybody has their temperament and you cannot do anything about it. Whatever be the case get over the parental shame and develop a mindset of compassion.

Only then you will be able to get to apologize to repair the relationship.

Give a good apology

An apology is a gift and best tool to mend broken relationships suggests Tina. She lists out several factors that make up a good apology and open the doors of communication.

To render a good and effective apology you must let all your guards down and become defenseless. Even if you are one percent defensive it will seep into your apology and make it ineffective.

Tina tells us three unique factors that make up a good apology

Family Rejection

First, you need to be specific and say what you are sorry for; you should specifically speak out what you might have done wrong to hurt the person. If you are at fault, accept and clearly say you had done that.

The second factor is to understand and relay back why it was hurtful to the person. For example, you can say “I’m, sorry, you didn’t deserve that” or “I’m sorry that my tone was harsh,” instead of saying that you were just sorry!

The third factor is regret – you have to show that you are really sorry and regret the fact that your hurt them or did something wrong. You can add things like “if only I could take it back,” or “If I could change things..” to make your apology emotional and sincere.

A good apology will break the ice and can get your children talking to you.

Connect with Tina

Email: [email protected]

Website: tinagilbertson.com

Books

Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children

Constructive Wallowing

The Good Breakup Guide

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Dating as We Age – Episode 203

Walker Thornton talk about Dating As We AgeThis episode is from the vault and was first released July 09, 2018

Let’s talk about senior dating–how to date and build intimate relationships as we age

Walker Thornton is 63 years old with a background in Educational Psychology. She has been a writer for years, writing poetry and journaling. Walker started dating post-divorce in her early 50's and started writing about it. She realized there wasn’t a whole lot of information for older women when it came to dating and relationships.

Walker works with individuals to talk about relationships. She has conversations with men and women to revamp their dating profile. She is sometimes called “The Sex Whisperer”.

Senior Dating—As we age this is the first thing you need to do if you are ready to get out there:

Make sure you are ready and you are not rushing to fill a void. Your desire to go out with someone should be based on mutual interest. Often people rush into the dating world in a despair which can lead to not wise choices. Think about what you are looking for. As we age, are you looking for marriage, a long-term relationship, romance, sex or someone to do things with?

Are online dating services a positive or negative way to find people especially for senior dating?

It can be a great or awful way. It depends upon your goal. Be prepared to put in work and effort to find a good match.

Advice for someone getting into the online dating world:We Age
  1. Be honest about yourself and share your real self.
  2. Show accurate photos and information so the other person can get a sense of who you really are.
  3. Talk on the phone prior to the first date.
  4. Make the first date short, leave yourself an out if it’s not going well.

Walker recommends open communication between sexual partners, especially around comfort levels and using protection. When it comes to flirting, you can simply make direct eye contact, smile and touch the other person’s hand to show interest. You don’t necessarily have to twirl your hair or bat your eyes. There are many ways to express a desire or interest subtly.

Words of wisdom for someone just getting back into dating:
  • Make a list of the traits you want your ideal partner to have. What are you looking for?
  • Get a good, recent picture of yourself you feel comfortable in made for your dating profile.
Walker’s Book:

Inviting Desire, A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Life

Connect with Walker:

Website: https://www.walkerthornton.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wit62/

Facebook: https://vtfww.facebook.com/WalkerJThornton/

This post about retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Longevity and Staying Young – Ep 202

Longevity and Staying YoungThis episode is from the vault and was first released April 23, 2018.

Let’s talk about longevity.

Judy Gaman is our guest for today’s episode. Judy is a graduate of the George Washington School of Medicine and Health Sciences and the School of Professional Studies. She is an age to perfection expert, longevity educator, author, and nationally syndicated radio show host of the Staying Young Show. Judy strives to educate and inspire people. She has four books and is currently working on two more.

What is the Staying Young Show?

Judy’s show is called “Staying Young” and it started when a radio station called her and said that they're closing. They asked her if she would like to take over the show. She happily accepted the offer. They grew in Dallas and got another offer in North Carolina and now broadcasting in 57 stations. The Staying Young show talks about anything that relates to health or longevity.

There are so many things that we do that impact our longevity.

On Today’s Show, we discuss:

  • All things longevity
  • 6 pillars of retirement
  • Advice for socialization
  • Nothing keeps you healthier than service
  • Getting past the age thing
  • Even in dark times, you can find a way to turn that around for the good
  • The healing effect of turning a negative into a positive
  • Importance of sleep

The Thing Judy Learned That Surprised Her About Getting Older:

The new science we have behind longevity that we didn’t have even when we started this show.Longevity

Judy underwent DNA testing at Executive Medicine of Texas. They do executive physical tests. Many people visit them to do tests and stay there for half a day. The patients will be given a map of the findings and information about the tests done.

Judy had a best friend who's 104 years old!

Judy also talks about a best friend she had who passed away when she was 104 years old. She learned a lot from her. Her friend was filled with incredible information and advice. They met when Judy was working on her book called, “Age to Perfection: How to Thrive to 100, Happy, Healthy, and Wise “. She needed resources and then realized why not just ask people who are over 100? Judy looked for people who were over 100 years old and she found her best friend. They spent a lot of time together and would have lunch every Friday. They had a blast!

Did you know?

Did you know that there are jobs that decrease your longevity? Doctors don't get enough sleep and you need at least 8 hours of sleep per day. Construction workers have a very physical job and are out in the sun all day. This can increase the chances of skin cancer. And, sports players have really low longevity because of sports-related injuries.

Connect With Judy: 

http://www.JudyGaman.com

[email protected]

Books

Age to Perfection: How to Thrive to 100, Happy, Healthy, and Wise

Stay Young – 10 Proven Steps to Ultimate Health

This post about retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Forced Retirement: Episode 201

Forced RetirementThis episode is from the vault and was first released April 16, 2018.

Let's talk about Forced Retirement

Marianne Oehser is our guest for today's podcast episode. She came on our show to discuss forced retirements and how to cope if it happens to you.

One example of Forced Retirement that Marianne gave us is “Rich” one of her clients. Here's his story:

Rich worked for the government and handled one of the largest and most important departments. All of a sudden, that department was eliminated. Now when this happened, it created a lot of challenges for him. Like many, he is facing a forced retirement. When Marianne and Rich started working together, it became really clear how depressed he was. He had trouble getting up in the morning and by mid-afternoon, he barely had the energy to read the paper.

When Marianne talked to him, it seemed like he had lost his sense of purpose in his life. “This happens when you're not ready to retire,” Marianne said.

A forced retirement can bring up a lot of emotions.

One of the first few emotions you might feel is anger then resentment. What Rich did after acknowledging what he was feeling is to forgive the person that made it happen.  Together he and Marianne worked on letting go of the resentment and pain until he was able to start focusing on the present.

They worked on building his “happiness”  portfolio. Rich needed to figure what he wanted the 8 important areas in his life to look like and be like. During this process, Rich awakened his desire to write. He took some creative writing classes and thought about doing his memoir. Then he uncovered a short story he wrote in the past.  He published it and now being reviewed as a script for a movie.

Rich now writes screenplays and books. This man no longer tries to figure out how to get out of bed every morning. He no longer has to think about what he wants to do at 3 in the afternoon. Rich now gets out of bed with gust, vigor, and enthusiasm and has lots of things going on. He was able to tap back into his sense of purpose.

8 Areas of Happiness

  • Self-development – Continuing to grow and understand that you can be excited about wherever you are in this in your life and embracing what is now and continuing Marianne Oehser talk about Forced Retirementto be a better person as a result of the things that you choose.
  • Health and Well-being – If you don't have your health, nothing else matters.
  • Primary Relationship – Relationships are central to who we are as human beings. Having a strong primary relationship is important. Examples, marriage relationship, long-term life partner relationship, strong friend relationship, family relationship.
  • Social Networks – As we move further along in our lives, our social connections become more and more important. When you move out of retirement, it may change. Not the same people we used to work with. It's all about building relationships. Building new relationships.
  • Spirituality and Religion – As we progress in our life, we become aware of the fact that at some point, our physical body isn't going to work anymore.
  • Leisure – About being balanced.
  • Community – What are you doing for the people around you? How are you giving back?
  • Vocation or Profession – More of us are either having to work or choosing to work
How does all of this fit into the balance? How do these 8 work together?

Marianne says that we need to have balance so at the end of the day you can say that this is the life that you will be living.

You may reach Marianne Oehser through her website Retire and be Happy or via email: [email protected]

She is a retirement consultant, a Certified Retirement Coach, and founder of Retire & Be Happy. She is a seasoned expert committed to helping people create a happy, fulfilling “post-career” phase of their lives through her workshops, seminars, public speaking, and individual coaching. Marianne also works with singles and couples to successfully build and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships–after all, having a solid relationship is central to creating a happy, fulfilling life.

Marianne has retired twice after spending over 40 years in the corporate world. She is a certified retirement and relationship coach. Marianne also holds a Master of Management from the Northwestern University Kellogg School of Management in Chicago. She received her training and certifications from Relationship Coaching Institute and Retirement Options.

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Creating An Adventure in Retirement: Ep 200

Creating An Adventure in RetirementThis episode is from the vault and was first released March 26, 2018.

Have you thought about creating your own Adventure in Retirement?

This podcast episode falls under the 2nd pillar, Significant Other (Be adventurous with your spouse), in the Six Pillars of Retirement. Jim Palmer is a marketing and business building expert and in-demand coach. He is the founder of the Dream Biz Academy and Dream Business Coaching and Mastermind Program. Jim is the host of Newsletter Guru TV, the hit weekly Web TV show watched by thousands of entrepreneurs and small business owners and he is also the host Stick Like Glue Radio, a weekly podcast based on Jim’s unique brand of smart marketing and business building strategies.

Jim started thinking about and living his retirement lifestyle before retirement age. Instead of waiting for his retirement, he is living out a dream now while he continues to work. He and his wife sold their house and put the contents in storage. They are currently living on their boat, which they named Floating Home and traveling up and down the east coast. They are enjoying a more simple life.  He has created a dream business where he works with clients only 3 days a week and travels the rest of the time. He hopes to continue working for many years, beyond typical retirement age and says it will be possible because he hasn’t worn himself out with a work that is unfulfilling.

It's time for a big adventure in retirement!

It was Jim's wife's idea to live on a boat, but it's Jim who is the “boat guy” as he grew up on boats.

When Jim married his wife, they wanted to have their own boat. However, between work, raising four children, and maintaining a home, they never had the chance to buy one. Once their children got married and moved on, and Jim's wife Stephanie said she is done with her job, suddenly they were no longer “landlocked.” They spent a few years trying to decide what they would do and where they would live, They did get a small boat which was big enough to sleep on but not that big. Eventually, his wife suggested they live on a boat. Jim's initial thought was, “We will need a bigger boat.”

Then their adventure in retirement began. They sold their house, found a bigger boat, and moved on April 15th, 2017. They initially agreed to an an18-month plan. First, they went to New England to see their daughter and grandkids. Then they went to Chesapeake Bay, which is their home port, and they will go to Florida for their first winter.

So, at the time of this interview, they were almost a year into their adventure in retirement. How is it?

They love it so much! Jim feels living on a boat is like an everyday vacation. It's very relaxing, and it is just a simple life. They are now talking about a 5-year plan to continue their retirement adventure on their boat.

What is it like living on a boat?

I know very little about boats and tend to think of it as somewhat similar to living in an RV. Jim and Stephanie's boat is 50 feet long and 14.5ft wide. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. It's a motor yacht with almost 1000 horsepower. Jim said they don't want to go on a camping in the waters, they want to feel comfortable. They wanted to have a separate space if they needed it so it isn't too cramped.

We talked about all the amenities in Jim's boat and the maintenance and repair that goes along with it. It is quite fascinating! An interesting fact is that you don't have to have your captain's license. The fact that you own a boat and can drive it means you are a captain. Both he and his wife have taken courses through the Coast Guard. Jim's job is to drive the boat and do maintenance on the boat. His wife's job primarily is the navigator. She took a multi-day class through the Annapolis School of Seamanship on how to plot your course. Jim says you never stop learning because things that happen out at sea happen quickly and unexpectedly. Fortunately, they have had none major disasters on their boat, but Jim talks about some scary moments.

What has been the best moments so far?

  • Pulling into New York Harbor and seeing the Statue of Liberty from the water on their own boat.
  • Watching their grandkids run down from the dock onto their boat
  • Jim and his wife have become closer. He says that he and his wife out of necessity have learned to communicate better and work together.

What has been the worst moment so far?

Jim tells us a story about how one engine went down near Atlantic City. The boat is rocking really hard, which made Jim nauseous and sick. Yet, he still had to go to the front of his boat, catch a line from the Sea Tow boat and attach it to his boat so they could tow them.

“We are very removed from all the noise that used to be part of our lives.”

Jim says he has discovered through their journeys and meeting others who boat, that there is hope for humanity. When they removed themselves from the big city and visited Adventure“Small Town America,” they met some of the friendliest people. They take care of each other and look out for each other, and people are very friendly and want to talk to you. He said it has a sort of restored their faith in humanity. They also really do not watch TV and they don't miss it at all. They watch the sunrise in the morning and sunset in the evening, that is their reality television.

We also talked about how they learned to live on a boat, how would someone get started if they were interested and how to buy a boat?. For me, I would have no clue where to even begin or how to live on a boat. He said they read a lot of books from people who have done it. Jim has also written 7 books we based him and his a little on their boating adventure in retirement.

Sometimes when you are getting ready to do something big, your mind starts playing the “what if game” which can paralyze you with fear.  If you are thinking about something you can think about all the things that can go wrong, but what if you have the adventure of a lifetime?

Do you have a story on how you created your own adventure in retirement? We would love to hear it! Post in the comments below.

If you want to check out Jim's Blog on their adventure in retirement, go to http://ourfloatinghome.com/

Jim's Books

Websites Mentioned in the interview:

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com