I interview Michelle Brelaz to talk about putting relationships back together.
Michelle puts relationships back together and her goal is to reduce the divorce rate one couple at a time. She is a certified coach, trained through the official school of Anthony Robbins. Michelle also has a Diploma of Counseling and a Degree in Psychology. She has a deep desire to understand the differences between men and women so that she can provide training that facilitates respect between the genders. In time, she would like to take her training to schools – to help prevent relationship problems before they start.
Michelle had no intention of going into this line of work, but an incident where her husband lashed out and hit their daughter was the catalyst for her starting this path for her career. She felt the counseling they went to “un-did” them and pulled them apart. She decided she wanted to focus on putting relationships back together.
Pain talks. Pain has a language all of its own. People say things when they are in pain, they don't say when they're in love.
So how is Michelle putting relationships back together?
Michelle feels that counseling for couples should be done individually rather than partners going to counseling together and she will never counsel a husband and wife together. People say things when they are hurt that aren't really part of the problem or important to the relationship. Words can hurt and they are difficult to take back.
She has her clients send her a list, in order of importance, of things they want to discuss.
Women multi-think and they to need a few extra sessions to process everything. She typically has 6 sessions with women and 3 with men
Do not blame each other. There is no one to blame.
Michelle gives us some great tips to stay away from Divorce. Some of those tips are:
People rush into relationships before talking about big issues such as money and children
Once people marry they become selfish. Keep that “What can I do for my partner” attitude you had in the beginning.
Sit down every 2 weeks and review the last two weeks. Talk about feelings, fun things, what made them happy, good things that happened.
Your relationship is a small part of your life. Don't give up your life, friends hobbies, sports etc.
Take care of yourself first and then help your partner and children
Michelle's advice: Your relationship in retirement can almost seem like a newly wed stage of getting to know each other again and spending a lot of time together. If you think you want to get a divorce, go and get as much help as possible. You are going to lose money, relationships, extended family, and dating at a later stage in life is very difficult.
I was SO excited that I got to Catherine and Barry Cohen. I am sort of a “fangirl” (but not in a creepy weird way), They have a podcast I listen to all of the time called Together 24/7 and I am a fan! It's about building businesses together but we talked about always being together. Which, they pretty much are!
Barry said that he and Catherine were genetically programmed to work together. Catherine's parents built a retail shoe business and have worked together most of their 55 plus years of marriage. Barry's father is 83 years old and still working! They said that he wouldn't know what to do with himself and his wife would end up killing him if he was home all day every day. (Sound familiar?)
Barry and Catherine are business strategists and have a company called Business Solutions for Growth. They work with businesses to help them create a plan of action for their business. We talked about what starting a business as a couple after retirement might look light. Retirement can be boring. A lot of people do this not necessarily for the money, but to do something they really enjoy.
Obviously, you love each other, but If you don't like each other, retirement is going to be hard.
Some couples enjoy always being together however, there are some things Barry and Catherine say are important to remember:
Find common ground
Have mutual respect for each other
Enjoy each other
What if always being together isn't for you?
Have days to hang out with friends
Keep the things you were doing separately before you retired
Decide which activities you enjoy doing together and what activities you want to do separately.
Regardless of whether you plan on spending every minute together in your retirement or plan on doing things separately, Barry and Cat say you should figure it out before retirement. Decide what you are going to do, write a list and talk about it. Prepare for always being together.
If you are thinking of creating a business, Barry and Catherine have offered my listeners a FREE 30-minute discovery session. You can contact them at email@example.com or by calling 602-399-7430
Let's face it, our spouses can get on our nerves! And once you retire, you're gonna be spending even more glorious (or not so glorious) time together. In this episode, I talk with Lori Ann Davis on marriage advice after retirement.
Lori has over 28 years’ experience empowering individuals and couples to live richer, happier lives. I asked her to come on the show because she is the author of Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships: How to Find, Keep and Renew Love and Passion in Your Life.
You want a marriage that is not only surviving but is actually thriving.
According to Lori, just because you don't fight and your marriage seems OK, it doesn't necessarily mean it is. She gives some great marriage advice after retirement.
Key Elements for working on your marriage (and Lori says yes, you have to work on your marriage all the time)
Constantly reconnect with each other
Get to know them on a deeper level
Make sure you are spending enough time together
Talk about your expectations for this phase of your life
Discuss your dreams and interests
The Do's and Don'ts
Discover who your spouse is
Date each other
Remember why you chose each other
Spend 24/7 together
Rush into anything if you have grown apart
Spend zero amount of time together
What do you do if you have grown apart?
Sit down and start dating each other again
Look for the positives and the good things
Renew the passion and intimacy
Sit next to each other
Stop for a kissing break
Leave a flirty message on the pillow or sent a flirtatious text
Make out and be playful
Lori and I also talk about when it's time to get help for your relationship whether it is a counselor or a coach. Lori says the sooner you get help the better and don't wait until you have given up.
Should you give marriage advice to a friend if they ask for it? Comment below if you have any thoughts on this subject.