Finding the love of your life as an older adult can be an elusive proposition
Alan told his friend that he's going to be in our podcast and he will be talking about love. His friend's reaction was “You?! A love doctor? That's a real laugh. You've never been any good at love. The only luck you ever have is love with your novels.” She knows Alan very well that's why she had that opinion. Alan had some long-term relationships that didn't work out.
Alan easily finds love but struggles to maintain relationships. In this episode, Alan shares his past dating experiences, why he thinks they didn’t work out and how he plans to navigate romance going forward. Alan isn’t on dating sites and he doesn’t go on blind dates but he puts himself out there in various ways, such as dancing.
On Today’s Show we discuss:
6 pillars of retirement
Selfishness in relationships
Getting and Keeping love
The difficulty of connecting as you get older
What Alan Has Learned from Past Experiences That Will Help in Future Love Endeavors?
“I think I’ve been selfish in my relationships. I vowed to be less selfish, more flexible and less rigid.”
The Irony of Relationships Among Older People
Many older people don’t feel they need to be in a relationship. At the same time, studies show if you are married, you are more likely to live a longer and healthier life.
Learn from Alan
Don’t try to sell your book on a first date
Put your phone down on dates and when you’re with loved ones
Be present in the moment
It’s never too late, the love of your life could be right around the corner.
Don't look for someone faults and why a relationship won't work. Focus on the positive
Yes! You read that right. Religion helps you stay healthy!
What else should we discuss on Christmas Day, but religion?
Dr. Jim Brown discusses the benefits of going to church with me on this Christmas special, and they aren't all just spiritual. He is a university professor teaching Technology and Psychology (that's a weird mix…right?) and is currently the pastor of The Lake Church. Dr. Jim Brown has been a principal, superintendent, department chair at three different universities. He also served several churches and various roles from music pastor to senior pastor.
Did you know that there are benefits in the faith community to our mind, body, and spirit?
Although we still report ourselves to be a “Christian Nation”, 17% of Americans are regularly attending services (including all religions) weekly. That's about 1 in every 5 Americans go to (church/synagogue/mosque/etc.) on a regular basis. It doesn't mean that the 83% doesn't go to church at all, they just don't go on a regular basis.
Here are some of the benefits of going to church and how religion helps you stay healthy :
Churchgoers live longer and enjoy better overall health in the general population. Why is this? Does this surprise you?
According to Dr. Lynda Powell, Preventive Medicine Specialist at Rush University Medical Center, the answer may lie at least in part in the positive lifestyle choices that churches promote. Most religious organizations discourage negative habits like smoking, drugs, etc.
Frequent churchgoers are happier than those who do not attend services. Of course, there is always the exception, and right now churchgoers might have a particular reputation of being…well…judgmental or “churchie” for lack of a better word… But according to research on religion, it's true. Why is this?
We learn (over time) to accept life as it comes.
We learn (also over time) to love and accept one another. No matter what the flaws are. This can be one of the most difficult things to learn.
A support system is built in for those hard times that we all must face.
Regular attendance may increase lifespan.
Many Americans go to church because it helps them stay grounded and gives them spiritual guidance.
Tyler VanderWeele of Harvard said, “Church attendance promotes self-discipline and sense of meaning and purpose.”
Dr. Blazer, a professor of Psychiatry at Duke University said, “The one aspect that is significant of good health is religious service attendance.”
Couples who attend church services are less likely to divorce and have happier marriages than those who don't attend.
It’s hard to live a full life when you are too tired and feeling sluggish. So today, I have brought Diane Kusunose on the show. She talks about how methods she uses to help people increase their energy.
Diane Kusunose, P.T., is a certified Nutritionist and Biofeedback Practitioner. She offers unique evaluation technology and provides personalized solutions for improving health, well-being, and energy for all her patients. Diane is highly trained in Zyto Biofeedback Technology and Nutrition Response Testing. She specializes in organic nutrients, homeopathy, and herbal support for digestion, sleep challenges, and pain remediation.
Diane knew she wanted to be a physical therapist all the way back in High School. Her school had a super cool health careers program which provided her great opportunities to be what she wanted to be.
When she became a mother, Diane began using a more natural approach to take care of her children’s ailments like runny noses or injuries. She decided she was going to pursue natural means to take care of them.
We talk about her son who had warts all over his body and they just could not get rid of them. She took him to a homeopath and they put him on 3 homeopathic medications. A 1 ½ to a 2-year problem with warts was cured in just a few months. Well, Diane was hooked! She knew she had to learn more and took classes on homeopath.
“We live in an electromagnetic world”
Diane then took additional courses that taught her about electromagnetic frequencies and how to use those for treatment. Then enters Zyto Biofeedback system which is what she uses in her practice today.
Zyto Biofeedback…HUH? That's what I thought too but it is actually very fascinating!
Zyto Biofeedback is galvanic skin response which is very scientifically based. galvanic skin response is the same technology that is used in a polygraph test. In a polygraph test, you put your hand on a plate and someone interrogates you and it gives out central nervous system responses through the hand on a plate. The galvanic skin response in the Zyto is much the same. Diane goes into greater detail in the interview about what this is and how it works.
In her practice, Diane looks for what is blocking your vitality. What is making you too tired? What is causing you to lose sleep or just not feel yourself? She describes it as gathering puzzle pieces. She gets puzzle pieces from questions, nutrition response testing and Zyto Biofeedback. Using these tools, she puts the puzzle together.
Our bodies are so clever they can repair themselves if we don’t have things (Blocks) in the way.
There are 5 blocks in the body she looks for which are foods, chemicals, heavy metals, immune challenges, and scars.
We also talked about things such as:
Nutritional response testing
According to Diane, solutions are different for everyone. If you are feeling too tired to Rock Your Retirement, fatigued, depressed, or just not like yourself, she recommends you do your research and find someone to help you. Don’t give up and if one method or doctor doesn’t work, keep seeking. She also encourages people to experience health practitioners who are natural based-minded and always seek your energy and your health.
If you would like to reach out to Diane or learn more her contact information is below
If you are like me, your animals are a big part of your family. In this episode, I talk with Von Braschler about dealing with pet loss and grief.
Von is the author of the book Natural Pet Healing and the e-book Healing with Your Pet: Our Psychic Spiritual Connection, which is based in part on his 4-year popular podcast which was called “Healing with your Pet.” He rescues cats and has volunteered as a dog walker and groomer for the Humane Society. He is also a certified pet massage therapist.
There are steps that you really need to go through in dealing with pet loss
The most popular names in the US for pets are no longer Fluffy or Spot. Instead, they are names such as Max, Sam, Ginger, Misty, Jake, and Samantha. These are like children's names and they become our family. According to Von, the bond we have with our pets these days is stronger than ever before. Pets are not spending as much time outside, they live in the house with us, therefore, our bond with them gets stronger.
Most of us will go through many… many pets and will sadly lose them and go through grief. Unless someone has lived with an animal or had a pet that is close to them, they do not feel the bond and they can't truly empathize with the grief you go through.
What are the steps for dealing with pet loss?
Take lots of photos and make a book out of them
Keep collars, tags (keepsakes)
Celebrate their life
Surround yourself with sympathetic people
Allow yourself to grieve
If you have another pet, you can comfort each other and grieve together
Have a small ceremony
Join a pet loss support group either online or in person
Have age appropriate animal (someone who is elderly may not want to get a parrot who will live a very long time)
Lorraine Ladish is a 21st Century Communicator, helping empower women and others to achieve their goals. She is the founder and CEO ofViva Fifty!a bilingual community that celebrates being over 50. She’s worked as an editor and social media coordinator for a number of online publications. Her next book on embracing age will be published byHarperCollinsin 2017.
By choice, Lorraine always worked, but never on a payroll. She thought everyone did what they loved.
Her Dad wanted her to be a Marine Biologist because he thought it was stable and she’d make a lot of money. Now she makes more staying at home than Marine Biologists do.
Lorraine tries to inspire women to live their best life every day and to celebrate being over 50!
She wants to inspire women who speak both English and Spanish to live their best lives. When you do something you are passionate about, it makes you feel purposeful, happy and helps to avoid a downhill spiral in retirement.
The sections of her website are:
Escape (what to do when you aren’t working)
It turns out English speakers are looking for beauty and Spanish speakers are looking for Relationships
She caters to all types of people. There is no “one size fits all” for being over 50.
People are entering their 60s with young children
Some 50-year-old women are having children!
Some grandparents are raising grandchildren
Lorraine gave some great advice: Do what you love. Spain has a caste system that is difficult to break. She did it, and if Lorraine did it you can too! Think of what you wish you had done or would do for free, for example, YOU could write a book. Think of the one thing you want to do, and then just do it! You CAN love being over 50!
So many people in my life in 2016 were grieving it's difficult to track them all.
Some of them lost a family member. Some lost a pet. And some were grieving over their lost candidate after the election. One of the things that most of us have to deal with in retirement is grief – either our own or someone else's. What do you say to someone who's grieving? That's exactly what I asked Natalia Volz and the answer may surprise you.
Natalia Volz is the founder of Passing Through Grief and the RELIEF Process.
She helps individuals who feel lost and down after experiencing a significant loss or change in their life such as a death, divorce, or children leaving home to heal their pain so they can rebuild their life and find renewed purpose.
She has first hand experience with loss and grief. In 2010, after a two-year battle with cancer, her husband died at the age of 49. Lost, alone, and very frightened, she eventually found her way through the devastating pain of loss and grief.
There is a lack of understanding and a fear in our culture about loss and grief, and she found herself struggling to find help to get through. She worked diligently to move beyond her own grief and on to living happily and purposefully. Natalia read every book she could get my hands on, took courses on the subject, and completed grief recovery certification training, and in the process became passionate about making a difference in the way our society deals with loss, change and grief.
It's easy to tell that she feels passionate about getting out accurate information on a subject we normally avoid but all have to confront first hand at some point in our lives.
I asked Natalia, “What do you say?” I know that I'm always at a loss for words when I'm confronted with someone who is grieving, because I know that nothing I say or do is going to bring their wholeness back. She had a very interesting answer: Be a heart with ears.
For the person who is grieving, she said that time does not heal all wounds. The person suffering a loss needs to talk about it. Keeping busy does not heal. So what do you say to someone who's grieving?
Natalia gave us some steps to take to help with our own grief:
Find a place to talk about the feelings of loss.
Write about your feelings about the loss.
Connect with others. See if there is one friend who will listen to how you are feeling. Tell them you just need to talk, and to have them listen.
Say it or write it while you are feeling the emotion.
Grief causes a lot of energy. Move through it through your body. Don't stuff it. Take a walk if you can.
Listen to music that makes you cry. Get your tears out. Crying releases a stress hormone that actually helps you release the stress. Don't worry, you can't cry forever. Normally it takes about 15 minutes and then you feel better.
Writing really helps with the relief process.
So what do you say to someone who's grieving? For dealing with others, remember you can't fix it so don't even try. Be a heart with ears. If your friend is telling you about some guilt that they might feel, don't discount it by saying “He knew you loved him”, instead say something like, “I can imagine that would be really painful. I can't imagine what that would feel like. Tell me more”.
Natalia gave us some excellent advice, but unfortunately my internet went out right when we were wrapping up the show. I hope to have her come back someday because what she had to say was so valuable. The good news is that we were wrapping up, about to give out her contact information, which we have below.
If you'd like to contact Natalia, you can reach her at 877-606-0909 or Natalia@PassingThroughGrief.com