How traveling affects relationships: Episode 125

Traveling affects relationships. Sometimes it can bring couples closer together, and sometimes it can put a strain on the relationship.

There is a saying “couples who travel together, stay together”.. ok, I made that up. I don't think it is an actual saying. I wanted to dig into the topic of how traveling affects relationships. As a lot of you may know, my husband Les and I enjoy traveling. We wanted to share some of our experiences and tips we have gathered over the years to make it less stressful and a more enjoyable time.

Here are some things that you may need to talk about and might have an impact on why traveling affects relationships

  • Preparation
    • Talk about how you're going to travel. Example, how much luggage you will be bringing, and the type of clothes you will be packing. Create a packing list or use the checklist I provided below at the end of the show notes.
  • Timeframes
    • Discuss how many days, weeks or months are you going to stay there?
  • How much money you are going to spend
    • One example is buying a plane ticket. Should you go for a business class or economy? It sometimes depends on the number of flying hours like when Les and I had a 13-hour flight. The price for a business class is times 4 the price of economy. Les isn't a fan of paying that much for airplane tickets but I Like the extra space and comfort. So on long flights, Les agrees comfort is important.
  • Planning Details together
    • Who's going to take care of your house while you're gone? Are you going to pay for it or have a neighbor do it? Les and I are considering house sitting now.
  • Decide who is carrying what in their suitcases
    • I like to bring a nutri-blender with me because sometimes when we go out of the country. I have a special drink I like for dinner but the blender weighs 8-9 pounds! So even though Les would have carried my suitcase for me, the blender takes up a lot pf precious room. So, I typically leave this at home.

Sometimes there can be stressful situations that will test your relationship.

  • Discuss what you both want to do on the vacation
    • Discuss what you both want to do. I like to go to warm climates and lay on the beach and Les wants to go to cooler climates and do activities. He isn't one to lay around on a beach all day. What we do is we compromise. We go to warm places sometimes and we go to cooler climates sometimes. I think compromise is key in traveling and in any relationship.
  • Decide if you want to spend the entire time together or are you going to have “break-out” sessions and do something on your own
    • Sometimes, you and who you're with don't like to do the same things or activities. When my sister and I went on a vacation together, she wanted to hang out by the pool and I wanted to go and visit museums. As a couple, you need to decide if it is okay to do things on your own sometimes.
  • Plan on what to do if you accidentally get separated
    • What if you get separated from each other? On our trip to Asia, we got separated from each other. We were in a shopping area and I was looking at cute little things while Les is looking at the backpacks. We made arrangements that if we get separated, to meet each other in a certain area.

traveling affects relationships

There is no question that traveling affects relationships. Patience, planning, preparation, are just a few things to have a successful vacation with your significant other.

Do you have any stories on how traveling affects relationships?

Have you had a good experience where it brought you closer together? Or have you had a bad experience? Please feel free to let us know in the notes below

Here is my packing checklist if you would like a copy Vacation Packing List

A Happy Relationship with your spouse after retirement

Nora Hall discusses a happy relationship in retirementHow to have a happy relationship with your spouse after retirement

This podcast episode falls under Significant Other in the Six Pillars of Retirement. And today, our guest is Nora Hall, a dedicated problem solver, set out to find solutions to the struggles she and her husband encountered after he retired. Numerous interviews with retirees revealed that most couples experience similar stress during their adjustment period in retirement. Nora shares their stories and offers proven solutions and inspiration for all retired couples, to help them have a happy relationship and stay happily married.

Prior to writing full time, Nora worked as a teacher, arts administrator, fundraiser, and writing consultant.

Nora started writing her book and blog because when her husband retired, they didn't expect the change in their relationship. They didn't really anticipate anything about retirement but soon learned they weren't having fun and enjoying it. Nora started to wonder what was going on and decided she needed to find a resolution. In her research, Nora discovered that there were some common circumstances that almost every couple experiences when they initiate their retirement.

  1. Many times husbands tend to become angry initially during retirement. Their identity is wrapped up in their careers and when they retire they feel they are losing their identity
  2. Now that the husband is retired, he doesn't know what to do with himself
  3. The change of being together all the time put a strain on relationships

Another common problem Nora discovered in her interviews and in her own relationship, is that when their husbands are retired there are suddenly always there. Women tend to have a lot of structure in their day to day activities. Out of boredom, the husbands will check on them to see what they are doing throughout the day. Women tend to perceive this as a sort of “butting in” if you will. In reality, the husbands are trying to be helpful and the women find it annoying.

It’s so important to be sensitive to one another’s needs

Nora tells us a story about when her husband retired and she was still working as a freelance writer at home. She didn't have a door in her office and her husband would come in and start talking to her and distracting her. Her husband didn't understand why Nora would get angry and Nora couldn't understand why he didn't realize that she was busy. She discovered they weren't being sensitive to each other's feelings.

So what was the solution to this problem? Their grandchildren solved the issue. They put a sign on the pantry door that lead to Nora's office that said: “Do Not Enter”. When she didn't want to be disturbed she would open the pantry door with the sign on it.

Having a happy relationship with your spouse after retirement might be difficult because of the adjustments you both have to make. 

Nora also talked about the 5 types of husband:

  1. Bossy Husband
    – These are husbands who are in a managerial position (managers, directors, CEO, etc.). They are used to being the boss so when they come home it's natural for them to expect that they are the boss.
  2. Always There Husband
    – His days are spent in his workplace then suddenly, he's at home all the time. This type of husband doesn't typically have many outside friends to go to lunch with or do things with.
  3. Dependent Husband
    – Not the type of always-there-husband but really doesn't know how to fill his time throughout the day. For example, he wants to go out every Friday but he expects his wife to plan the trip.
  4. Angry Husband
    Their identity is wrapped up in their work. There is more anger in men. These husbands don't know what to do with themselves after retirement.
  5. Doesn't-Ever-Listen Husband
    This one drives women crazy. Before finishing the sentence, they're already questioning you. This can cause a lot of contention in relationships

One of the things that creates a happy retirement is if a couple is willing to compromise

Nora suggests that if you realize as a couple, the things that each of you do that gets on the other person's nerves, are not intentional. You can start to have meaningful conversations about the things that are bothering you.

Nora does a workshop for couples. She helps couples identify how they are going to create a happy relationship with their spouse.

One example of how she does it is they discuss a particular topic and then they break into groups and discuss further what that meant to them and how they can use that information to create a happier life.

Do you have any tips on maintaining a happy relationship after retirement? If so, share them in the comments below!


Nora's book is available on Amazon – Survive Your Husband's Retirement

You may also want to visit Nora's blog by going to www.surviveyourhusbandsretirement.com

This post about retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com 

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